Why I MIGHT BE a Quilter. Part 2.

Part 2 on my reflections about the “Beast”, my very first serious sewing project. To read part 1 click here.

Once the Beast came to mind there was momentary panic but this time my thoughts about the Beast were different. Not strictly emotional, a bit more analytical, more questioning. While the Beast [see part 1] came to mind my accompanying thoughts and feelings were on how will this project help me improve my sewing? What if I slow down and enjoy this project while praying for the person it is for? What can I learn from this journey? Thoughts were not on all my mistakes, or the difficulty in sewing a perfectly straight line that is a perfect ¼”, or getting all those squares in the sixteen patch to be perfect right angles.  Perfect, perfect, perfect! Yuk.

Instead of allowing frustrations to build, I started asking myself questions…”why aren’t triangle points matching?”, “what can I do to change that?”, “so what if I have to rip a seam, that happens all the time in my garments?”,  “how can I make this one block, no this one seam, better?”

And finally this liberating thought.

IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT. IT’S OKAY.

It is true that while looking at my triangle points that didn’t match up and after trying numerous fixes that didn’t quite work, I had momentary panic. But, it WAS only momentary.  Afterward, a huge realization followed. I am my worst enemy when it comes to quilting. I commit to projects beyond my level, I have a tendency to do things the hard way and I don’t ask for help, even though now I know A LOT of accomplished quilters who love to pass on their knowledge and guidance. I even attended several meetings of a [gasp] quilt guild overseen by a lovely woman who gave me this advice. “If you can live with it and move on….move on. You are your own worst critic; no one but you sees those mistakes”. [well, and all those accomplished quilters but this quilt isn’t for them] but she was on the right track. The person this quilt is for will never ever notice and even if they did, will be so absolutely delighted by the gift of this quilt it simply will not matter.  And THAT’s why I started making the thing in the first place! To give someone joy! And to know joy from giving joy!

Following this realization, another, I actually was enjoying piecing those 700+ 2 ½” squares.

A few of the many 2 1/2" squares.

I liked putting the puzzle together and seeing the design begin to take shape. Why, the fabrics I had chosen were simply lovely, warm and the quality of the fabric brought me joy.

Thoughts on perfection were followed by how I am a more patient person now, much more skilled in my sewing with too many resources to count to help me if I get in a jam; positive thoughts on why I was not prepare to set this quilt aside and let it linger, thoughts about why I was making this quilt and who it was for! Suddenly, I understood so much more about the Beast and why I could never finish it. Yes, it is true I did not have the knowledge to take on the Beast, yes it is true I started with an overly ambitious project, yes it is true, anyone that I could think of to help me was far away. But, equally true and a bit more humbling was this fact. I was not mature enough to take on the Beast. Back then, I was a person who quit things and trust when I say, the Beast proved to be a minor failure in comparison with other things I quit over those years.

And, suddenly I understood so much about who I am now and as a person that sews; my motivations, my hopes and dreams, my goals, my tendency toward perfection precision, my skill level, and most important; my accomplishments in this hobby I so love. In other words, I can’t but even more importantly I don’t want to quit.

Precision. (well...good enough. :) )

So, with Irene and the help of Terry’s sew-a-long and my great big quilting family right outside my front door…I press on.  I actually finished 2 entire rows and another partial one!  I’ve already had some ah hah moments and finally figured out a trick for matching those sixteen patches to those little tiny half triangles. Seems small I know but it really was HUGE for me.

A glimpse of things to come. Joy.

Will Irene be perfect? No. Will I ever sew another quilt? Maybe. Will I learn and be a better sewer because of it? Of course! Just as it was logical to put the Beast to rest, it is logical that Irene will be completed and you know what? She’s gonna be a beauty!

Why I am NOT a Quilter. Part 1.

                     

                                                                       

It was the Roman Square quilt pattern. It was two contrasting colors, red and white. It was queen size.  It became my sewing nemesis.

The Beast, as I came to call it, was my very first serious sewing project at the age of early twenty something. It was the beginning and ending of a very short sewing period spanning over a couple of years and “it” followed me through too many moves to count, including our last move to Indiana 10 years ago. For twenty plus years I carried the Beast around.

Hours and hours were spent cutting those little rectangles and organizing them and sewing them together to make my first quilt top. Then more hours sewing the small blocks in to bigger blocks. After many months, I  managed to get the Beast pieced.  Amazing really, now that I think of it.  It was huge and daunting and I had never heard of and didn't know how to research “machine piecing” or any other number of quilting techniques that would have made the job much more doable and enjoyable.

If I had only knew, the "easy" part was done because then came the much dreaded quilting. If it had never occurred to me to machine piece, then you can imagine I did not know one could actually quilt on a sewing machine! How revolutionary!! Even more revolutionary, the idea that one could pay someone else to quilt your Beast.  Not that I could have done that anyway, we were young and flat broke.

On a remote air base in the long winter months of Upper Michigan,

Desolete.

I would dutifully haul out the large quilting hoop and dutifully get my hand quilting thread and attempt to hand quilt the Beast. Strangely the Beast never seem to change. I know it did because I had to move the hoop and that thread WAS going somewhere. Dutifully, bury my knots, dutifully [try] to keep my stitches small and even. Dutifully, I learned to hate the Beast and quilting. 

It is odd to me now, but except for a few small projects such as a table runner or a set of napkins, I was loyal to the Beast. I never started another major project, always feeling I HAD to complete the Beast first. Over time it became official. The Beast defined me as a sewer. I couldn’t move on to something else and I couldn’t finish the Beast so... I just stopped sewing altogether.

It might have gone differently if I had help. My mother-in-law was a quilter. I have several quilts she lovingly and painstakingly hand pieced and quilted but, she was 600 miles away. My own mother, while not a quilter, was an avid garment sewer and my Aunt worked at a textile factory whipping up clothing for Levi’s and LL Bean in nothing flat. 600 miles away. It didn’t occur to me to find someone in my own community to help me. I wouldn’t have known where to start but I knew people quilted. I lovingly and longingly looked at the magazines my mother-in-law had given me.

      

The quilts were glorious! Laying there in all their rich colors and seemingly complicated patterns! The Ohio star, the coveted Log Cabin, Grandmother’s Garden, Double Wedding Ring, the list was endless.  It seemed so simple to match up all those corners and rectangles in the pictures. And triangles! Oh my, the points were matched as well. In the pictures anyway. Despite the magazines and my desires to learn, the Beast and my sewing languished together.

Then, as time encourages, things changed.  My daughter was born, the internet exploded  and we moved to Indiana. I actually forgot about the Beast! I wanted to sew for my daughter, I wanted to make things (not quilts), I wanted skirts and shirts and dresses in fabrics I enjoyed, I wanted to make garments for my husband, I wanted to sew gifts for everyone I knew. Why…. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the things I wanted to sew. I became a person serious about sewing. I know this because I have an insane amount of fabric in my stash to prove it! And to further fuel my sewing desires, information or tutorials on just about any sewing project I could imagine was online just waiting there for me to use and learn.

Still, the Beast languished in the basement. Occasionally, I would come across it while looking for fabric or reorganizing things. Until one day, I actually took a long hard look at the Beast. Would I really finish it? Did I even want to? The Beast reminded me of a time in my personal life that was painful and in which I had made some poor choices. What was that big stain on one side? The Beast still was huge and intimidating so I did the logical thing... I threw the Beast away!! It is true. In the garbage it went. I didn’t even think twice. It was liberating!

Oddly after the Beast was safely in the landfill, I started looking at quilt patterns online! I would sometimes think about sewing a quilt but quickly would dismiss the idea. Then, I happened upon the Indiana chapter of Quilts for Kids. Now, this was a quilt I could possibly master. A simple square and 4 patch sewed together in a kid sized quilt. I ordered a quilt kit to put together.  My squares actually matched up! I machine quilted the whole thing myself. I proudly put the quilt in the mail back to Quilts for Kids and ordered two more kits which I have almost completed.

That was 2013. For 2014 and in my new quilting enthusiasm I signed up for a quilting sew-a-long called Goodnight Irene over at Terry's Treasures.

It certainly looked simple enough. A sixteen patch and a X block (whatever that was).  But after getting started and cutting over 700 2 ½” squares, having to rip numerous seams, sewing some squares wrong sides together, many of my corners not lining up and oh, those wretched triangles…I find myself once again thinking about the Beast...

To be continued…..